Thursday, September 10, 2009

Post Two

Marteze Harris Blog post two
Thursday, August 6, 2009

Well, this is my second post and I still have to get used to bloggin’. But I love having an avenue to express my opinions and ideas. Also. I get the opportunity to share what’s deep inside me. Prison isn’t a place where you share personal and intimate parts of yourself. Everyone wears a mask in the world but in prison, you glue it to your face, for obvious reasons.

Okay, let’s start at the beginning so you’ll have a clear understanding of me.
I was born November 10, 1972 at 1:45 pm in St Louis MO. I am an only child on my mama’s side. Growing up I was like, yeah, I don’t gotta share nothin’. And I definitely was spoiled. We weren’t rich at all. My mama struggled daily but the love was strong. I felt like the richest child.

Now, on my father’s side there’s 4 boys and 4 girls. I’m the youngest- at least I was but my pops was a rollin’ stone: “wherever he laid his hat was his home. “ I haven’t seen my brothers or sisters since my grandmamma passed, when I was about 10 years old.

My pops was/is a sperm donor. I haven’t seen him in so many years I can’t even remember. He could be dead. I have no clue. Anyway, it was just me and my mama and that was cool.

My Mama moved to Milwaukee when I was about 5 years old. Her and my Papa had an argument. He told here he was gonna kidnap me. SO when he left she packed up and moved to Milwaukee. Besides living in Jackson MI for 6 months, I’ve lived in Wisconsin all my life since that move.

IN November of 1994 my mama was diagnosed with lung cancer- a week before my 22nds birthday… helluva birthday present! huh? I went through 4 or 5 stages of grief. It will be 14 years in September 2009 and I still have trouble with the acceptance part.

When my mama passed I was devastated. I hated everyone, everything, especially God. I cussed Gad and hated him . He took the only person in this world who love me.

The day after she passed, I woke up and I felt so empty. You have billions of people in the world and I couldn’’t think of the name of one who honestly loved me. I had never felt such pain of loneliness in my life.

Three months later I was incarcerated and 11 years later here I am . I no longer hate God, myself or anyone else. God has brought me a long way and I still have a ways top go, but here I am and still standin.

That is my life summarized in three pages but there is much more to me. I am really a private person that’s why bloggin is an acquired taste for me because for me, when you blog, ne matter what you blog about you share yourself with other people.

It’s time to share myself , my life and experiences and opinions. Bloggin gives me that outlet to open up..why I have no idea, I guess. I hope that if there is someone out there feeling down or feeling like giving up..don’t ! God never gives you more than you can handle and when you feel like giving up, dig deep into yourself and find that strength that lives in all of us.

I’ve been on my own since 1995 and I still can’t name one person who truly loves me..except one person- me, and I am cool with that. God has continued to bless me all these years. For a reason> So I continue to strive and struggle fro my place in this world. Until next time.

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